You Gon’ Think I Invented Text: Why We Don’t Pick Up The Phone by @Rahim_VladTV feat. @DrJayJack

6 Reasons Why We Won’t Pick Up & We Let Our Thumbs Do The Talkin’

Girl, you gon think we invented text...yuuup

1. We’re not in high school anymore
Back when I was a lil’ pickney, we didn’t have cell phones.  House phones were the boo-cakin weapon of choice, and we had to share them our family members. Young lovers would lust for the chance to phone bone themselves into handheld exstacy all through the devil’s hours of the night, or until your parents heard you and picked up on of the other phones to embarrass you. Who remembers that? You’re on the phone, momma picks it up and starts dialing all over your sexy time, until you have no choice but to take your hand out your pocket & yell:

Well I need to use it so get off!”
“Awww mom.”
Yes, I remember those moments when less meant so much more.
Now that your gigglin, reminiscin’ or whatever, please note that back then:

1a) we didn’t pay the bill
b) we didn’t have “real jobs” to wake up to the next morning
c) text messaging plans costed an extra 10 jillion a month
We don’t have the same problems anymore, but let’s be real. I’m going to save us the arguement over who hangs up first by erasing the call altogether. Ima send you a “have a good night hun!” You gon think I invented text.

2. Go play somewhere, I’m busy

Last time I checked, you ladies had no love for a man who stays home swirlin his pubes. (There is a time & place for that though.) I’m the type of brother that likes to get up get out and do somethin’ I work in an industry where my blackberry stays attached to my hip, or most times via my thumbtips. Guess what, if I’m at the office, and you call me:

2a) I’ma think you don’t respect what I do…who calls people on their cell while they are at work expecting them to pick up? And unless we’re breaking bread, you can’t have my office number. The fun part about this is that my hours are so haphazard that this is pretty much unfair. Not only do I do my thang in the office, but if I’m not there, then I’m most likely at a listening event, album release, movie screening, in studio session, interview, yadda yadda check my twitter. Oh yea, and the noise level at those places is always too loud. My bad. But guess what? If you text me, ima hit you right back. Girl you gon think I invented text.

3. “I don’t Check My Voicemail…”

Now I may have sounded like an asshole on the other 2 but somebody’s got to feel me on this shit right chea.

I never was a fan of checking my voicemail because I just never feel like it but I’ma call this one the “DJ Vlad,” because he actually announces on his voicemail “I don’t check my voicemail, so if you are looking to get in contact with me, PLEASE TEXT ME.”
There is a wave of folk who can’t stand holding down 1.  Furthermore, if i didn’t want to hear  or talk to you before, chances are as soon as you start talking, I’m gonna press “7.” ESPECIALLY IF I DONT LIKE OR I FIND YOUR SUBJECT MATTER TRIVIAL. Let the chuuch say amen, because I know quite a few people who think exactly the same way. Those are the exact same people who i pick the phone up for, because I know that if they are calling me, it must be important– see how this sucks for you works?Protip: Send us a text saying “please call it’s important.”  Note: Crying wolf on this will lead to unamazing communication with me in the future, by the way.

Some folks argue that a text conversation is foolish because you can handle everything quickly and efficiently with a phone call. I feel it cuts out all the unnecessary “hey what’s up” and bs talk when you really called me because you needed something…and then the awkward filler conversation & closure of the call after the point of the call has been reached is never good times. If you need something, or want to holla, text me!  I don’t have a problem with people sending me short requests because, “if you can’t be used, your useless.” (got that from ‘Ye).

Am I being obnoxious? Sounds like it, but add “upfront” to that description. Give me your thoughts on this, because I know there’s way more subject matter to cover. Let me know what you think… actually, never mind. I know what you gon’ think. 🙂

Editor’s Note: Ladies, above does not apply to drunk phone calls, depending on how good you look.

In walks Dr. Jay Jack…


word to my hat you betta text me or we ain't speakin

Radio, I got em. I wanted to just piggyback a few points here.  1) Even my mother texts, BBMs, and AIMs me, 2) You always say men can’t multitask, but when we try, you deny us our civil liberties, and 3) T-Mobile never lied when they said, Fave 5I’ll be brief.

1)      My fave 5. I have about five people who if they call me, I’ll always pick up.  It’s three guys and two girls.  These people have been in my fave 5 since college.  It will take a long time for someone else to fit their way into my fave 5.

2)      I like to multi-task.  In short, once I pick up the phone, I now stop receiving text messages and BBMs, it’s horribly inefficient.  I also use my phone for gchat too.  So where as I can be having conversations with 10 people, I now must stop what I’m doing to just talk to you.

3)      Lastly, my mother is probably the one woman on this planet who likes to talk to me a lot and all the time.  However, even my mother has learned that if she would like to do that she should learn how to engage in some textual communication.  And I’m sorry if my mother can text me or BBM me, then for Christ’s sake I have no sympathy for the rest of you.

If your goal is to communicate with me, then communicate. Also note, stressing me out about not being able to talk on the phone will not aide in your cause either, it will only make me stop texting you too.