Drunk Dialing For Dummies: How Bout You Pick Up On This

Editor’s Note: Alright, alright. here’s what happened…I wrote this dope ass blog right, and i deleted the first half of it by accident, but this is my blog and i do what i want right? So here’s the second half.

drunk dialing

I know I said this was going to be short but don’t rush me.

Now I like to exaggerate in order to make points, that’s my thing.

Let’s keep it real though, you may not know what exactly you said when you called someone but you know THAT you are going to when you do, and you know WHY, and WHAT you want from them, even if its only sex attention.

Let’s Do Some Math, Bitches:

some equations

How drunk you are = how stupid you sound especially when the other person is sober.

Fun phrases 🙂
“I’m drunk so please excuse what I say from here on out…”
Ah what da fak? Please excuse everything that you wanted to say and ways you wanted to act but didn’t when you were sober? Ah yeah, NO.

“Don’t judge me…”
Aww man got to love this zany counter attack by accusing the victim of judgement.

“What time is it?”
Late. I don’t know drunk ass!
We are both on cell phones.

“What are you doing?”
This line of questioning can be kind of tricky. Depending on how the question was asked it could either be good or bad.

1- whatcha doing?

This is the person in a state of suspectness trying to check up on you, disguised by the friendly “whatcha?” When I see one of these, mi caan believe mi eye. I go into full rebellion mode, how about you? #jordanshrug

this is the precursor to the kanyeshrug

better than the #kanyeshrug

2- whatcha doing? Aka whatcha gonna do about my pumpum?

We (Men) send this version. “You still up?”

What to do:

Make plans or don’t answer it and pretend you fell asleep. We call that the “death of the ringtone” swindle. What up streetz. #awwh.

All in all, be careful what you do with your fingers when your drinkington.

Someone could get hurt.

Moving Forward by @damnkam feat. Words from Katt Williams

thumb-Moving-Forward

moving right along

posted by DamnKam

 

Katt Williams said it years ago and we all laughed “if you over 25 still talking about how men aint shit, look at the common denominator in this here problem—YOU.”

I’ve always been taught that a closed mouth doesn’t get fed. But I find it troubling how women are still afraid to be forward when it comes to men. Are women afraid to be forward? It is 2009 right? Aren’t we off that? As much as I want to say yes,” I know that I cannot. So many females complain about the lack of men out here, but whenever I ask a woman if she is willing to make the first move her reply is no. What is that really about? We’re calling ourselves independent, putting our independence out there, yet we’re afraid to put ourselves out there to get what we want? Not quite sure if I understand. It’s no secret that men love power and control, but every once in a while they like it when a woman takes charge. So ladies where are our balls? Truth be told, Mr. Good Enough (since I don’t believe in Mr. Perfect), could be in your life right now waiting for you to say you’re interested. And what are you doing? Waiting on him to say it to you first!

As progressive as we like to think ourselves, why is it so hard for us to go after what we want? Oh, let me get this straight, we’ve made strides everywhere else but not in so called “gender roles”. Please. We criticize men for not having the courage to step to us, but we aren’t stepping to them either. Aren’t we on a relatively equal playing field now? Let’s do better ladies! Now don’t get me wrong, I like to be chased and courted like the next woman but I have no problem going after the man/men I want. And neither should you! Men are terribly frightened by rejection. Yes, terribly frightened, I said. I know it sounds a bit ludicrous, but trust me it’s true. No matter how bad he wants to speak, chances are he won’t. You have to acknowledge a man with some form of interest; this way he may feel encouraged to approach you. This is an example of tricking the trick (but that’s a future piece). And yes you can call him a coward, but if that’s the case what do you call yourself? And complaining about all the things he didn’t do isn’t going to warm the right side of your bed at night. Let’s put that pride to the side and stop waiting on him to make things happen for you.

You would think with all the self help books, relationship columns and “expert” dating advice, we women would know more about ourselves and men. But it appears the more we learn, the further we divert from the truth. Case in point, the Steve Harvey penned book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Do you honestly believe you have to think like a man to get a man? And furthermore, this is coming from a comedian whose career and hairline is as unstable as a bridge in an earthquake. I’ve even heard stories of women taking a highlighter to this book. WTF! Are you kidding me? What’s next? A nun giving Kama Sutra techniques? This is who you want to listen to? No disrespect to Steve Harvey (or his hairline), but I would rather see him do stand up if even that.

Now I do think women need to learn how to make decisions logically and less emotionally. And in my humble opinion, that is the premise behind “thinking like a man”. It’s a commonly held belief that men are more logical than emotional. Therefore, when it comes to the decision-making process, men are able to make up their minds with ease, or at least that’s the impression we’re lead to believe while we women struggle with our hearts. Granted, there is a time and a place to use logic and the same goes for emotions. But like anything, it’s all about balance.

MESSAGE

The first rule is to lose the idea that you have to think like a man to get a man. You’re a woman and women should think like women. We have so many things going for us already: we’re intelligent, we’re interesting, we have breasts, we have vaginas, and did I mention we have breasts? You’re already a step ahead if you were able to put a check beside the aforementioned. Next rule, lose the desperation. Instead of putting all your energy into finding love, focus on the love around you. Cultivate the existing friendships you currently have. The road to a successful relationship is a successful friendship. Learn how to be a good friend first. I think it’s impossible to be a good mate without learning how to be a good friend first. And this should go without saying, but develop a great friendship with you. Start with taking yourself out to the movies, alone. I know this may sound a little foreign to some but trust me it goes a long way. Learn what makes you happy. Chances are the more you know about yourself, the better your likelihood of finding a man with similar interest or one who can at least appreciate yours. On top of that you will learn about yourself as a person. There isn’t a more rewarding relationship than the one you can have with yourself. It gets you used to the idea of being able to do things alone without being lonely. Because there is a distinction! Alone is a state of being. Lonely is a state of mind. And you HAVE to enjoy spending time with you because if you don’t why would someone else?!?!

Women it’s time to take responsibility for our actions! To the plate ladies we go. Let’s stop placing blame on everything but US! There are men out here for all of us. It’s just up to us to actually make a few adjustments and get them!!

Exclusive: Tahiry Talks About Being Young and In Love With Fabolous via Radio The Rahim

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Kanye Shrug

When it comes to relationships, hey you never know. #kanyeshrug

Tahiry gets to speak on her side of the story regarding her relationship with FA-BO-LO-US. It seems like everyone was cool with the situation…I know in my case I get funny style when I find out someone smashed dated the homies. But it ain’t me, fruckit. If the time elapsed is far enough and the girl is bad enough, I probably who knows i might do a similar thing in the future. Shout out to Tahiry again that’s one cool lady.

more about “Exclusive: Tahiry Talks About Being Y…“, posted with vodpod

 

Ladies: What’s your Indicator that he might be Packing?? [Female Guest Blogger]

do you live in smallville?

do you live in smallville?

[this post is property of Nicole Spence | Nicolespence.me]

Lmao! Lmao! Ok don’t ask me why this is on my mind so early in the morning but it is.
My girls and I are always talking about size. Yes because to us more honestly me, size does matter. But I just think it’s unfair the way some of these dudes can set you up for a disappointing discovery!
I normally stay with a certain body frame, because more than likely he’ll have some down there that I will likey! Lol. For me its all about Tall and Lean, you know a nice athletic build. I’m figuring the short rounder men, are going to have exactly that. Short and stubby! Am I bugging??

An older friend of mine tells me its all in the way he walks, she actually tries to spot the gap between his legs, she says its like there a big bulge forcing their legs apart, u know he’s the guy who sits real wide. And she does have a pretty good track record of” Big Daddy’s” in her life. Hmmm Interesting..

Another friends said it’s all about the Feet! I’m a bit shaky on that theory, because all though she had a size 14 stunner, there’s another girl who had size 12dud-.

My cousin was like ” oh, please I give up, every time I think I got one he turns out to be small! But normally if he’s 6’1 or taller he’s usually decent down there!” You don’t say?

I just think its unfair that men have a pretty good gauge what a woman’s body would be like naked.. And for us ladies we just never know, why do we have to be on that Forest Gump box of chocolates ??

Cut the Shit! Fellas WTH, what should I be looking for? What are the signs, when it’s crowded down there?!

Ladies share your indicators and success stories using that method with me will ya?!! Prevent any more women from having paedophile moments!

P.S.A.- If you’re not packing any heat, I think you should let your lady know ahead of time, instead of crying Wolf! If she suffered from Vaginal dryness wouldn’t you want to know early? Well it’s the same Shit!


“Don’t Trust A Ho!” [Guest Blogger][via Radio The Rahim]

Don't Trust A Ho.

Don't Trust A Ho.

[by Guest Blogger – E For Short]

*Editor’s Comments – Right on, nig!

Be cordial, be polite, but don’t trust a ho. Don’t judge a ho either. If you’re a ho be a good ho, but I don’t trust you. Let’s be clear a ho can be a man or a woman, some may argue more men than women (I wouldn’t but let’s save that for another day). Men should never trust a ho based on their sexual preference, i.e. if you like dudes and the one you like is a ho, don’t put your faith in him. Women can’t trust ho’s no matter the circumstance.

Sorry ladies, but its true. If you’re friend is a ho, LOOKOUT. She is trying to get with your man/woman not now, but right now as you’re reading this. ‘She’s been my friend for years now and despite her lifestyle she is a good person.’ No one said anything about her being bad or good. I said trusting that ho. She has slept with at least half of your boyfriends either while you were with them or as soon as you broke up with them. And by ‘as soon’ I mean you called her crying me and such& such just broke up and while you were still pouring your heart out over the phone she was hopping in the car on the way to his house. She didn’t even change her clothes or check to see if he was home. She just going over there to circle the block and see is he is nearby to get it in. She has definitely flirted with 100% of the men you are vaguely interested in and made a pass at most of them. Am I saying you can’t be friends with a ho? Well, if you don’t mind not trusting your friends around people you like then that’s not what I’m saying. The friend-ho is bad the man-ho is no different.

You definitely can’t change a man-ho into a house-husband. It’s not happening. If he gets the chance, which he will, a man-whore will snatch up some snatch before you can blink twice. Oh, he’s changed you say. He’s not as immature as he used to be and he loves you. Word? Just because a ho loves you doesn’t mean that he is going to stop tricking. A ho is a ho, is a ho. Church can I get an amen? AMEN!
There are cheating ass men, men that have cheated, and ho’s (this is by no means an exhaustive list of all types of men). 3 different things. Men that have cheated may have done it once or twice, had a bad relationship, going through a Jekyll & Hyde phase, or something like that. Cheating ass men…cheat, that’s what they do. They actually get into a relationship knowing damn well they’re going to cheat. I think they actually may even start a monogamous relationship just so they can cheat. A ho has no business in a relationship and knows that and was perfectly fine ho-ing until you came around and decided ho-ship shall no longer be his occupation. C’mon now, you met him through a friend he that you knew he was having sex with in a club that you saw him leave with another girl. Not to mention all the rumors and stories you heard about him through pretty much everyone. What ‘usually’ distinguishes a man-whore from a man dating is mo’s (man+ho =mo) whole operative is based on deception.
Their like the James bonds of potential STDs. That’s right I said it- STDs. Based on no surveyical (you like that word, I know) information, 90% of mo’s have, are, or will be burning. It’s an unproven fact; ask your male-ho-friend. If he hesitates then he is about to lie (see mo’s deceive) and yes he had one. If he doesn’t hesitate then he’s lying and currently has one or will be burning by the end of this blog post. This isn’t a men bashing article, this is a don’t trust that ho *EPA*warning and there are plenty of women ho’s.
Fellas don’t, that’s all I have to say…just don’t. Don’t trust a ho as far as you can throw her. And if she’s some small itty bitty ho and you’re a big brolic dude, then don’t use that metaphor use something else that signals distrust. ‘Yo man, I know she piped the whole team, my cousin, and gimp-leg Larry from down the block but things is different now.’ What’s different? Larry’s leg is still gimpy and she’s still a ho. ‘She’s been through a lot, nah mean; her uncle did bad things to her when she was younger and her ex-boyfriend did this or that.’ I’m really sorry to hear that and those are terrible things, but ummm I’m not really talking about the causes of ho-ship or what pushed said ho into ho-dom. It’s clear at this moment she is a ho and a ho is going to do a ho’s work, i.e. Ho-ing. Meaning she got a titty in someone’s face at this very moment. Turn around, QUICK! She just flashed your dad and you didn’t even notice it. Am I saying ho’s don’t deserve love? If you don’t mind either a) putting GPS on her, watching her every move like a crazed jealous lover, which I might add Michael Strahan did but like any good she-ho, she is great at the art of deception so was still able to love de next man’s buddy or B) throw trust to the wind, not care she’s doing everybody and you’re going to love her for who she is…riiight. Well, if either of those seems like decent choices then no I’m not saying ho’s don’t deserve love. What I am saying is: don’t trust a ho.

Miss Jay, J.D. Tells Us Why She Will No Longer Date Black Men! [Guest Blogger]

***This is Part 1, of a two part series. I will post my commentary to this tomorrow.*** [Dr. Jay of Thebookofjackson.blogspot.com]

Recently, I was chatting it up with a friend. I’m close enough to this young lady that she can feel free to say anything and I won’t get angry or judge. So imagine that while i’m visiting a blog that I actually frequent because I think it’s an excellently written blog, idatewhite.com, and she sends me this message: “I have decided to stop dating black men, and let me disclaim this entire conversation by saying I know some amazing black men who have a number of virtues that any woman would be lucky to have. Clearly they are not free of flaw but neither is anyone. They are still catches.”

Of course, I didn’t think anything was wrong with that. But I was still interested to know why and below are some of the highlights of the conversation:

First, my best friend [it’s a male] sent me an article on what single women can learn from Michelle Obama the article’s argument was that many black women wouldn’t date the community organizing earning 30K or something; and excuse me, I’m about to say something that some people cannot stand because I’m about to get very nitpicky and classist. Please forgive me in advance. Barack graduated from Columbia and then went to Harvard law. Michelle met him AT HER LAW FIRM. So it is different if he’s highly educated, able to hold his own with certain people in conversation, etc and chose to earn 30K.

Now a point on Michelle, a top Princeton grad who went to Harvard law as well, she knew her earning potential. I’d argue that a lot of girls who went to the top schools aren’t necessarily looking for the money. The money is already under control, they can earn it. They want someone with the credentials. That’s another issue, maybe thats a problem, but that’s not at issue right now. Yes, a community organizer who doesn’t make that much comparatively but that was by choice which is important he’s not making that much bc he cannot make more, he’s making that much bc this is a career choice he’s passionate about.

[A former male classmate], God bless his soul too but not as much, sent me something someone wrote on black women needing to stay fit and they cannot be surprised when men aren’t interested if they gain weight or already are fat. I am naturally thin, very thin, I will probably always be thin, BUT I understand that weight is an issue thats a little more complicated than eat right and work out sometimes, and eat right and work out in itself can be complicated. If you control for socioeconomic status, black men are less healthy than black women, its just true. But it doesn’t seem so, why? Their dating pool.

Want to read more? Continued here.

It’s Pimpin, Pimpin (courtesy of seveneighteen)

article courtesy of http://seveneighteen.wordpress.com

It’s Pimpin, Pimpin

May 13, 2009 · No Comments

made you look, didn't it.

made you look, didn't it.

So, they say… a black man is a pimp.

Well, let me tell you this. The biggest pimp on planet Earth…is her mama

Think about it.

It’s her mama that told her, “Get a man that got a good job, girl! Make sure he got a good car, girl! Make sure he can take you out and buy you something, girl!”

Whatever happened to just falling in love with a n—a with a bus pass?!? Just cause you love the dude?!?

But NOOOO. I gotta be the pimp m—erf–ker! I gotta be the player!

Let me tell you something. The biggest hoes on planet Earth are walking through your neighborhood RIGHT NOW.

Woman, you KNEW when you got with the dude, he already had a woman. You KNEW he already had a family.

But what happened? You f–ked him anyway.

And then when you thought you gonna lose ol’ boy, what happened?

Oh, let me guess. You went and got pregnant. Didn’t you bitch, DIDN’T YOU?

Where I’m from , we call that the old “Keep A N–a Baby.”

(Which is effed up on so many levels. I’d hate to ever think I coulda have been called that. But I digress)

And then, when boy boy ain’t around (because he knew to stop f–king with your crazy, deranged, unstable ass), what do you tell the child?

Probably something along the lines of , “Aww that n—a ain’t shit! That’s why your daddy ain’t here…cause that n—a ain’t shit!”
I have a better idea. You’re probably not gonna like it, which means I know it’s a good idea.

How about being a woman, and telling the kid the truth?

That you…were…a…jump…off.

TELL THE KID!

“Momma was a hoe, I was weekend p—y, I had you to keep the dude, it didn’t work out and that’s why he ain’t here. But he’s a good dude. After all, he takes care of his REAL family. I was just a dumb broad, trying to keep a dude that I wanted.”

Sometimes, the gospel hurts, but that’s why it’s the gospel.

© 1999 Eddie Griffin. No, I didn’t make this up. But I wish I did.