Drunk Dialing For Dummies: How Bout You Pick Up On This

Editor’s Note: Alright, alright. here’s what happened…I wrote this dope ass blog right, and i deleted the first half of it by accident, but this is my blog and i do what i want right? So here’s the second half.

drunk dialing

I know I said this was going to be short but don’t rush me.

Now I like to exaggerate in order to make points, that’s my thing.

Let’s keep it real though, you may not know what exactly you said when you called someone but you know THAT you are going to when you do, and you know WHY, and WHAT you want from them, even if its only sex attention.

Let’s Do Some Math, Bitches:

some equations

How drunk you are = how stupid you sound especially when the other person is sober.

Fun phrases 🙂
“I’m drunk so please excuse what I say from here on out…”
Ah what da fak? Please excuse everything that you wanted to say and ways you wanted to act but didn’t when you were sober? Ah yeah, NO.

“Don’t judge me…”
Aww man got to love this zany counter attack by accusing the victim of judgement.

“What time is it?”
Late. I don’t know drunk ass!
We are both on cell phones.

“What are you doing?”
This line of questioning can be kind of tricky. Depending on how the question was asked it could either be good or bad.

1- whatcha doing?

This is the person in a state of suspectness trying to check up on you, disguised by the friendly “whatcha?” When I see one of these, mi caan believe mi eye. I go into full rebellion mode, how about you? #jordanshrug

this is the precursor to the kanyeshrug

better than the #kanyeshrug

2- whatcha doing? Aka whatcha gonna do about my pumpum?

We (Men) send this version. “You still up?”

What to do:

Make plans or don’t answer it and pretend you fell asleep. We call that the “death of the ringtone” swindle. What up streetz. #awwh.

All in all, be careful what you do with your fingers when your drinkington.

Someone could get hurt.

You Gon’ Think I Invented Text: The Remix (Ladies Don’t Pick Up The Phone Either) & The Video feat @CandiedJamz

oh you thought it was just us guys being obnoxious????

Here is my homegirl CandiedJamz:

jamz. not to be confused with jelly.

You gon' think she invented text 2.

I’d rather text than talk.

1. ET Phone Home. Growing up all I did was talk on the phone. I mean hours and hours. I would fall asleep on the phone, and the guy would be like ‘are you sleep?’ and I would say ‘no I’m up’.  I just loved talking on the phone, for what reason, I don’t know. Now, you couldn’t pay me to stay on the phone for ONE hour, let alone multiple ones. Ugh.

2. Circles not squares. I really hate circular conversations. You know the types…A: what are you doing? B: nothing. You? A: nothing, how you been? B: fine. You? It gets to be really annoying. No one wants to just hold a phone and give/get one word questions and answers. It’s corny, and an all around waste of time.

3. Mental Stimulation Verbal Penetration. I have noticed from personal experience that sometimes it’s easier to text/BBM/email something you want to say rather than tell a person on the phone or in person. That might be feelings, breaking up, business, etc. Sometimes texting is my ‘liquid courage.’

If you want to talk to me, text or BBM me
. I’m more likely to answer a twitter @reply (@candiedjamz) than to answer my phone. There are are far better things you could be doing with your tongue, than using it to talk.

*drops mic*

Rahim: Thank you Ms. Jamz…and here is the visual. Ironically, our blog post came out wayyy before this video, but why hate just because they bit? It’s interesting.

You Gon’ Think I Invented Text: Why We Don’t Pick Up The Phone by @Rahim_VladTV feat. @DrJayJack

6 Reasons Why We Won’t Pick Up & We Let Our Thumbs Do The Talkin’

Girl, you gon think we invented text...yuuup

1. We’re not in high school anymore
Back when I was a lil’ pickney, we didn’t have cell phones.  House phones were the boo-cakin weapon of choice, and we had to share them our family members. Young lovers would lust for the chance to phone bone themselves into handheld exstacy all through the devil’s hours of the night, or until your parents heard you and picked up on of the other phones to embarrass you. Who remembers that? You’re on the phone, momma picks it up and starts dialing all over your sexy time, until you have no choice but to take your hand out your pocket & yell:

Well I need to use it so get off!”
“Awww mom.”
Yes, I remember those moments when less meant so much more.
Now that your gigglin, reminiscin’ or whatever, please note that back then:

1a) we didn’t pay the bill
b) we didn’t have “real jobs” to wake up to the next morning
c) text messaging plans costed an extra 10 jillion a month
We don’t have the same problems anymore, but let’s be real. I’m going to save us the arguement over who hangs up first by erasing the call altogether. Ima send you a “have a good night hun!” You gon think I invented text.

2. Go play somewhere, I’m busy

Last time I checked, you ladies had no love for a man who stays home swirlin his pubes. (There is a time & place for that though.) I’m the type of brother that likes to get up get out and do somethin’ I work in an industry where my blackberry stays attached to my hip, or most times via my thumbtips. Guess what, if I’m at the office, and you call me:

2a) I’ma think you don’t respect what I do…who calls people on their cell while they are at work expecting them to pick up? And unless we’re breaking bread, you can’t have my office number. The fun part about this is that my hours are so haphazard that this is pretty much unfair. Not only do I do my thang in the office, but if I’m not there, then I’m most likely at a listening event, album release, movie screening, in studio session, interview, yadda yadda check my twitter. Oh yea, and the noise level at those places is always too loud. My bad. But guess what? If you text me, ima hit you right back. Girl you gon think I invented text.

3. “I don’t Check My Voicemail…”

Now I may have sounded like an asshole on the other 2 but somebody’s got to feel me on this shit right chea.

I never was a fan of checking my voicemail because I just never feel like it but I’ma call this one the “DJ Vlad,” because he actually announces on his voicemail “I don’t check my voicemail, so if you are looking to get in contact with me, PLEASE TEXT ME.”
There is a wave of folk who can’t stand holding down 1.  Furthermore, if i didn’t want to hear  or talk to you before, chances are as soon as you start talking, I’m gonna press “7.” ESPECIALLY IF I DONT LIKE OR I FIND YOUR SUBJECT MATTER TRIVIAL. Let the chuuch say amen, because I know quite a few people who think exactly the same way. Those are the exact same people who i pick the phone up for, because I know that if they are calling me, it must be important– see how this sucks for you works?Protip: Send us a text saying “please call it’s important.”  Note: Crying wolf on this will lead to unamazing communication with me in the future, by the way.

Some folks argue that a text conversation is foolish because you can handle everything quickly and efficiently with a phone call. I feel it cuts out all the unnecessary “hey what’s up” and bs talk when you really called me because you needed something…and then the awkward filler conversation & closure of the call after the point of the call has been reached is never good times. If you need something, or want to holla, text me!  I don’t have a problem with people sending me short requests because, “if you can’t be used, your useless.” (got that from ‘Ye).

Am I being obnoxious? Sounds like it, but add “upfront” to that description. Give me your thoughts on this, because I know there’s way more subject matter to cover. Let me know what you think… actually, never mind. I know what you gon’ think. 🙂

Editor’s Note: Ladies, above does not apply to drunk phone calls, depending on how good you look.

In walks Dr. Jay Jack…


word to my hat you betta text me or we ain't speakin

Radio, I got em. I wanted to just piggyback a few points here.  1) Even my mother texts, BBMs, and AIMs me, 2) You always say men can’t multitask, but when we try, you deny us our civil liberties, and 3) T-Mobile never lied when they said, Fave 5I’ll be brief.

1)      My fave 5. I have about five people who if they call me, I’ll always pick up.  It’s three guys and two girls.  These people have been in my fave 5 since college.  It will take a long time for someone else to fit their way into my fave 5.

2)      I like to multi-task.  In short, once I pick up the phone, I now stop receiving text messages and BBMs, it’s horribly inefficient.  I also use my phone for gchat too.  So where as I can be having conversations with 10 people, I now must stop what I’m doing to just talk to you.

3)      Lastly, my mother is probably the one woman on this planet who likes to talk to me a lot and all the time.  However, even my mother has learned that if she would like to do that she should learn how to engage in some textual communication.  And I’m sorry if my mother can text me or BBM me, then for Christ’s sake I have no sympathy for the rest of you.

If your goal is to communicate with me, then communicate. Also note, stressing me out about not being able to talk on the phone will not aide in your cause either, it will only make me stop texting you too.