posted by DamnKam
Katt Williams said it years ago and we all laughed “if you over 25 still talking about how men ain’t shit, look at the common denominator in this here problem—YOU.”
I’ve always been taught that a closed mouth doesn’t get fed. But I find it troubling how women are still afraid to be forward when it comes to men. Are women afraid to be forward? It is 2009 right? Aren’t we off that? As much as I want to say “yes,” I know that I cannot. So many females complain about the lack of men out here, but whenever I ask a woman if she is willing to make the first move her reply is “no.” What is that really about? We’re calling ourselves independent, putting our independence out there, yet we’re afraid to put ourselves out there to get what we want? Not quite sure if I understand. It’s no secret that men love power and control, but every once in a while they like it when a woman takes charge. So ladies where are our balls? Truth be told, Mr. Good Enough (since I don’t believe in Mr. Perfect), could be in your life right now waiting for you to say you’re interested. And what are you doing? Waiting on him to say it to you first!
As progressive as we like to think ourselves, why is it so hard for us to go after what we want? Oh, let me get this straight, we’ve made strides everywhere else but not in so called “gender roles”. Please. We criticize men for not having the courage to step to us, but we aren’t stepping to them either. Aren’t we on a relatively equal playing field now? Let’s do better ladies! Now don’t get me wrong, I like to be chased and courted like the next woman but I have no problem going after the man/men I want. And neither should you! Men are terribly frightened by rejection. Yes, terribly frightened, I said. I know it sounds a bit ludicrous, but trust me it’s true. No matter how bad he wants to speak, chances are he won’t. You have to acknowledge a man with some form of interest; this way he may feel encouraged to approach you. This is an example of tricking the trick (but that’s a future piece). And yes you can call him a coward, but if that’s the case what do you call yourself? And complaining about all the things he didn’t do isn’t going to warm the right side of your bed at night. Let’s put that pride to the side and stop waiting on him to make things happen for you.
You would think with all the self help books, relationship columns and “expert” dating advice, we women would know more about ourselves and men. But it appears the more we learn, the further we divert from the truth. Case in point, the Steve Harvey penned book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Do you honestly believe you have to think like a man to get a man? And furthermore, this is coming from a comedian whose career and hairline is as unstable as a bridge in an earthquake. I’ve even heard stories of women taking a highlighter to this book. WTF! Are you kidding me? What’s next? A nun giving Kama Sutra techniques? This is who you want to listen to? No disrespect to Steve Harvey (or his hairline), but I would rather see him do stand up if even that.
Now I do think women need to learn how to make decisions logically and less emotionally. And in my humble opinion, that is the premise behind “thinking like a man”. It’s a commonly held belief that men are more logical than emotional. Therefore, when it comes to the decision-making process, men are able to make up their minds with ease, or at least that’s the impression we’re lead to believe while we women struggle with our hearts. Granted, there is a time and a place to use logic and the same goes for emotions. But like anything, it’s all about balance.
The first rule is to lose the idea that you have to think like a man to get a man. You’re a woman and women should think like women. We have so many things going for us already: we’re intelligent, we’re interesting, we have breasts, we have vaginas, and did I mention we have breasts? You’re already a step ahead if you were able to put a check beside the aforementioned. Next rule, lose the desperation. Instead of putting all your energy into finding love, focus on the love around you. Cultivate the existing friendships you currently have. The road to a successful relationship is a successful friendship. Learn how to be a good friend first. I think it’s impossible to be a good mate without learning how to be a good friend first. And this should go without saying, but develop a great friendship with you. Start with taking yourself out to the movies, alone. I know this may sound a little foreign to some but trust me it goes a long way. Learn what makes you happy. Chances are the more you know about yourself, the better your likelihood of finding a man with similar interest or one who can at least appreciate yours. On top of that you will learn about yourself as a person. There isn’t a more rewarding relationship than the one you can have with yourself. It gets you used to the idea of being able to do things alone without being lonely. Because there is a distinction! Alone is a state of being. Lonely is a state of mind. And you HAVE to enjoy spending time with you because if you don’t why would someone else?!?!
Women it’s time to take responsibility for our actions! To the plate ladies we go. Let’s stop placing blame on everything but US! There are men out here for all of us. It’s just up to us to actually make a few adjustments and get them!!