Editor’s Note: Alright, alright. here’s what happened…I wrote this dope ass blog right, and i deleted the first half of it by accident, but this is my blog and i do what i want right? So here’s the second half.
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drunk dialing
I know I said this was going to be short but don’t rush me.
Now I like to exaggerate in order to make points, that’s my thing.
Let’s keep it real though, you may not know what exactly you said when you called someone but you know THAT you are going to when you do, and you know WHY, and WHAT you want from them, even if its only sex attention.
Let’s Do Some Math, Bitches:
some equations
How drunk you are = how stupid you sound especially when the other person is sober.
Fun phrases “I’m drunk so please excuse what I say from here on out…” Ah what da fak? Please excuse everything that you wanted to say and ways you wanted to act but didn’t when you were sober? Ah yeah, NO.
“Don’t judge me…” Aww man got to love this zany counter attack by accusing the victim of judgement.
“What time is it?” Late. I don’t know drunk ass!
We are both on cell phones.
“What are you doing?” This line of questioning can be kind of tricky. Depending on how the question was asked it could either be good or bad.
1- whatcha doing?
This is the person in a state of suspectness trying to check up on you, disguised by the friendly “whatcha?” When I see one of these, mi caan believe mi eye. I go into full rebellion mode, how about you? #jordanshrug
better than the #kanyeshrug
2- whatcha doing? Aka whatcha gonna do about my pumpum?
We (Men) send this version. “You still up?”
What to do:
Make plans or don’t answer it and pretend you fell asleep. We call that the “death of the ringtone” swindle. What up streetz. #awwh.
All in all, be careful what you do with your fingers when your drinkington.
1. ET Phone Home. Growing up all I did was talk on the phone. I mean hours and hours. I would fall asleep on the phone, and the guy would be like ‘are you sleep?’ and I would say ‘no I’m up’. I just loved talking on the phone, for what reason, I don’t know. Now, you couldn’t pay me to stay on the phone for ONE hour, let alone multiple ones. Ugh.
2. Circles not squares. I really hate circular conversations. You know the types…A: what are you doing? B: nothing. You? A: nothing, how you been? B: fine. You? It gets to be really annoying. No one wants to just hold a phone and give/get one word questions and answers. It’s corny, and an all around waste of time.
3. Mental Stimulation Verbal Penetration. I have noticed from personal experience that sometimes it’s easier to text/BBM/email something you want to say rather than tell a person on the phone or in person. That might be feelings, breaking up, business, etc. Sometimes texting is my ‘liquid courage.’
If you want to talk to me, text or BBM me. I’m more likely to answer a twitter @reply (@candiedjamz) than to answer my phone. There are are far better things you could be doing with your tongue, than using it to talk.
*drops mic*
Rahim: Thank you Ms. Jamz…and here is the visual. Ironically, our blog post came out wayyy before this video, but why hate just because they bit? It’s interesting.
You know when you are out with your girl and you are drunk feeling great about life, and you take a look at your woman and say “damn you are a bad chick!” You actually acknowledge that you have a bad shorty and then you feel like doing obnoxious things to show the world that she’s yours?
I know you all have done this, straight cuffed in the club and had your hands grabbin her bootycheek, or just have your hands in her back pocket.
In an effort towards global peace and understanding — or at least enabling you to see eye-to-eye with the fam — I attempt to decode the mystifying language of the coolest cat out there, JAY-Z, on one of his biggest hits, “D.O.A.”
JAY-Z, “D.O.A” from ‘The Blueprint 3′
Only rapper to rewrite history without a pen
No I.D. on the track let the story begin…
begin… begin
I (JAY-Z) am known as one of the few MCs that can create intricate rhymes without jotting anything down. This is a reminder of how impressive that feat is…
No I.D. is the producer for this song. He is also known as the man who helped mentor multiplatinum selling phenom Kanye West. He’s good, and that’s why I am bragging about having him on my album.
This is anti-autotune, death of the ringtone
This ain’t for iTunes, this ain’t for sing-alongs
Auto-tune is a product that alters your voice to make it sound in-pitch with the song. I don’t like it! It’s too popular! This is a song is dedicated to the streets. Gangsters care not about digital sales!
This is Sinatra at the opera, bring a blonde
Preferably with a fat ass who can sing a song
Kanye West has said that I am a modern day Frank Sinatra, and the idea of me at the opera is a metaphor for me versus my competitors. I am super tough and tower above the competition!
Wrong, this ain’t politically correct
This might offend my political connects
Henceforth, I shall recklessly abandon subtlety.
My raps don’t have melodies
This sh*t make jackers wanna go n commit felonies
Ah, get your chain tooken
I may do it myself, I’m so Brooklyn
My music provides the soundtrack for crime, yet as a resident of Brooklyn, I am no stranger to crime. This is not unlike the seedier elements of my fanbase.
I know we facin a recession
But the music yall makin gonna make it the great depression
Your music gives me sadface.
Ah, or your lack of aggression
Pull your skirt back down, grow a set man
Please stop being a girl and grow a pair already.
Ah, ah… this is just violent
This is death of autotune, ah moment of silence
la da da da… hey hey hey goodbye
Please take a moment to mourn the current state of hip hop and R&B. I plan on ushering in a new era of music.
Only rapper to rewrite history without a pen
No I.D. on the track let the story begin…
begin… begin
Holdup, this ain’t a number 1 record
This is practically assault with a deadly weapon
I will, again, firmly assert my street cred. My music caters to ruffians.
I made this just for Flex and Mr. Cee…
I created this track for the streets. Funkmaster Flex and Mr Cee are two famous mixtape DJs that would enjoy this type of song.
I want n*ggas to feel threatened
Stop your blood clot crying
The kid the dog everybody dying
Violent imagery! My Jamaican side tells you to stop being a wuss.
No lyin, you n*ggas’ jeans too tight
Your colors too bright, your voice too light
I might wear black for years straight,
I might bring back Versace shades,
You are so wimpy! Where is the threatening/dangerous element? I don’t care for your fashion sense and intend to wear an opposing outfit in protest!
This ain’t for Z100
‘Ye told me to kill yall to keep it 100
Z100 is dedicated to pop radio in the New York area. I do not wish to be associated with the station or its music. Kanye told me to give you 100% of my “edgier” side.
This is for Hot 9-7
This here’s for Clue, for Khaled, for we the best in
This is strictly for hip hop radio! In addition to the previously mentioned Funkmaster Flex and Mr Cee, this is a song also caters to DJ Clue and DJ Khaled. I will repeat my assertion of superiority.
N*gga this sh*t violent
This is death of autotune, moment of silence…
la da da da… hey hey hey goodbye
Only rapper to rewrite history without a pen
No I.D. on the track let the story begin…
begin… begin
Holdup, this sh*t need a verse from Jeezy… ay!
I might send this to the mixtape Weezy
Young Jeezy needs to rhyme on this! I will repeat his calling card, “ay!”, to prove how well I know his music. I am also debating on giving the instrumental to Lil Wayne for use on his very popular mixtape series.
Get somebody from BMF to talk on this
Give this to a Blood, let a Crip walk on it
These lines denote my understanding of gang culture.
Get me foul to style on this
I just don’t need nobody to smile on this
You n*ggas singin too much,
Get back to rap you T-Pain’n too much
To reiterate: You, wimps. Jigga, tough. Please start rapping and quit emulating T-Pain. It bothers me.
Ah, I’m a multi-millionaire
So how is it I’m still the hardest n*gga here?
I don’t be in the project hallway
Talkin’ bout how I be in the project all day
That sounds stupid to me,
If you a gangsta, this is how you prove it to me
How can I be so loaded, yet I am still harder than all of you street toughs? What gives? Please make better, edgier music. This is how you can earn my respect.
Yeah, just get violent
This is death of autotune, moment of silence
la da da da… hey hey hey goodbye
Only rapper to rewrite history without a pen
No I.D. on the track let the story begin…
begin… begin
Editor’s Note:DAMNIT KANYE! You are making it harder and harder for me to defend you in hip-hop arguements…and when they are taking shots at your “egotistical” ways.
Following Michael Jackson’s sudden death on June 25, Kanye West claims he will become the next King of Pop, replacing the late singer. “You know everyone loves and respects Michael but times change. It’s so sad to see Michael gone but it makes a path for a new King of Pop and I’m willing to take that on,” so he told Scrape TV.
On what makes him deserve the title, Kanye said, “There’s nobody who can match me in sales and in respect so it only makes sense for me to take over Michael’s crown and become the new King.” The rapper then added, “First there was Elvis [Presley], then there was Michael, now in the 21st century it’s Kanye’s time to rule. I have nothing but respect for Michael but someone needs to pick up where he left off and there’s nobody better than me to do that. I am the new King of Pop.”
Furthermore, Kanye reportedly has reached out to the Jackson family to obtain official permission to use the title but so far received no response from them. It is believed that the family is still mourning over Michael’s death.
“King of Pop” was a honorific title popularized by Elizabeth Taylor when she presented Michael Jackson with Artist of the Decade prize around 1989. At that time, the British-American actress proclaimed Michael, who has sold million copies of records, as “the true king of pop, rock and soul.”
